I just wanted to write about what I know, what I experience every day, what bothers me, good things, bad things.. I won't censor myself so that you get the entire story. I think that's important, so hopefully if theres any teenage girls reading this and have ever thought to themselves 'omg I seriously would loooove a cute little baby'... Yeah look you need to rethink that.
So yes, hi, hello, my names Stephanie, I'm 18 and I have a two-year-old daughter Charlotte, as you might already know. Bit of a background story on us.. I fell pregnant at 15 to a not-so-responsible boy and pretty much faced the entire pregnancy on my own. My parents and friends were super supportive but the absence of this particular person was more than felt, it was literally consuming. I had no money so my parents and good friends who wanted to help me pretty much bought all of Charlotte's things.. cot, pram, carseat, all of her furniture, all of her newborn clothes, blankets, bottles, everything.
Medically, my pregnancy and labour was easy (as easy as labour can be). But being a teenager with a giant pregnant belly which enters the room before you do is not a pleasant experience. Leaving the house was almost spirit-crushing. People I've never before seen in my life would point and stare at me in public, nudge their friends and laugh, call me horrible, horrible names loud enough for me to hear. Just thinking about it now makes me want to cry because I can't even put into words the emotional stress I was feeling, and on top of that I had to deal with the overwhelming judgement of people who didn't even know me, didn't know my situation, didn't know what I was going through. I had people left, right and centre basically telling me my entire future was over. At that time I had a Formspring (does anyone remember those?!) where people could send in questions anonymously. The sort of things people would send in to me were disgusting. Things like they hope my daughter would die before I could have her so that I felt punished by not aborting her. The sort of things that makes people kill themselves. I couldn't understand why people thought I was such a bad person. Everyone I knew was having sex. I was a naive 15-year-old who was told that I was loved, so I slept with my then-boyfriend, dumped suddenly and horribly, then found out I was pregnant. How could I kill my own child who was growing inside of me, living off my oxygen and my blood, how could I commit a murder inside my own stomach, and who was I to choose my life over my daughters? And still to this day people still question my decision to keep her. I don't know how anyone can look at my tiny, fair-skinned, blonde-haired and blue-eyed little ray of sunshine and ask me why I chose to continue with my pregnancy. It literally makes me feel sick. I have no regrets whatsoever at keeping my baby.
But to any girls who are 15 and sexually active and want a baby: you are a child yourself. You need to be a child for as long as you can. Although my daughter is the centre of my universe, being a teenage mother is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It is not all cuddles and kisses and play time with your baby. It's vomit and shit and tantrums and tears and money money money, time time time, effort effort effort AND MORE MONEY. Sometimes I sit on the floor of my shower and sob because I'm so overwhelmed. Babies are soooo cute right? Not when they're in your face 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Not when every last cent of your money goes to them. Not when all your friends are out partying and you're at home in dirty track suit pants watching Teen Mom 2. I just want to shake girls who say they want a baby and even actively TRY for one.
That's why I want to write this blog, to give a realistic look into being a teenage parent. I hope I can reach some of you, and also change some stereotypes people have of teenage mothers.
I made a mistake at having sex and not protecting myself properly at a young age, but my daughter wasn't the mistake. She's the best gift I've ever been given, and comes before everything.
So I guess I'll write something else in a day or two, I hope this big-ass post was worth it!
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