Parenting tips, fueled by copious amounts of wine.

This blog post is brought to you from my bed, where I am perusing this century's most thought-provoking and mentally-challenging TV series (Dance Moms), drinking a refreshing and hydrating iced fruit drink (wine) and sitting next to Charlotte while she entertains herself via educational apps on the iPad (YouTube).

Anyway, this blog post is about parenting. I like to think I'm an okay parent. I mean, Charlotte's still alive. Here is proof:

This was taken today. I swear.

Whenever I have the pleasure of meeting people, they ask me, "Hoooow do you do it? I can't imagine ever having a child. Argh. I don't know how you do it." Really I want to reply "Yeah, look I don't know how I do it either," but instead I thought I'd jot down some of my insightful wisdom into the dog's breakfast that is parenting. Maybe you'll see that, while difficult (so freaking difficult that I think I might just quit), parenting my daughter is also the best thing to ever happen to me. 

Parenting tips for the time-poor, sometimes lazy but mostly just busy parent.

1. Teach your kids to be independent.

I love hanging out with Charlotte. She's awesome. Anyone that knows her knows she is the bees knees. But let's get real here. I don't really have the time, energy or patience to sit with her for hours every day and entertain her, no matter how much I wish I did. So while I take time out to spend with Charlotte and do things with her, as a result of our lives she has also learnt how to play by herself and entertain herself. This is a Godsend. Firstly, it gives me time to do the shit I need to, and secondly, it teaches her that my entire life doesn't revolve around her. I provide her with stimulating and engaging toys and materials and it's her job to do something with it. Like I always tell her, only boring people get bored. 

2. It's all about give and take.

Char  is a good kid. She knows what's important in life, because I've taught her that. Which is why I pick my battles. I think parenting is about giving kids the opportunity to grow and foster their characters and personalities, but at the same time guiding them in life lessons and teaching them how to be upstanding members of society. And wipin' a few butts along the way. So in this war which we call parenthood, I don't mind losing a few battles to hold on to my sanity. Screw it, have that Kinder Surprise, or dessert before dinner. If you're having a bad day and are in a bad mood, ride it out, I won't bother you. Yes, wear the weird outfit that you insist is totally fashionable, even thought I already dressed you. I honestly think things like this are so irrelevant, but time and time again i see other parents struggle against it. 

3. Foster a routine that works for you.

My entire life is basically scheduled, and when it isn't, it gives me anxiety. Every day and night we do basically the same thing. Charlotte goes to daycare Monday-Thursday, while I do whatever I need to do. I pick her up, we go home, she has dinner and a little play. She has a bath, we read books, she goes to sleep. I make plans around this routine and it is what Charlotte expects. My boyfriend and my family know this is her routine and follow it too. Even though our life is super busy, this is something that is constant for Char and it works for us. Plus she's asleep by 7:30 so I can follow MY routine: drink three glasses of wine and watch crappy TV with Duncan. 

4. YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS TOO.

When people say their kids are their entire life, it makes me sad for them. How boring. I love Charlotte obviously. She's the best. But come on. I have an identity other than being a mother (thank God). And I want my kid to know that. I want her to grow up and see that a woman isn't confined to the home to raise children. And for my own sanity and my child's happiness, I HAVE to have a life outside of being a mother. I make an effort to take time for myself, which makes me a better mother. It also teaches Charlotte that, oh my God, not EVERYTHING is about her. 

5. Make it fun. Don't take it so seriously.

Parenting is freaking hard. I know. I've been doing it since I was 16. It's not always fun. The daily grind is crappy. Your kid doesn't appreciate you most of the time. You just don't care about looking good anymore. You don't have the time or energy for your relationships that you used to. But the best thing about parenting is being a complete goose. Charlotte is my best friend and we are literally insane. And I don't even care. It's awesome. I've been known to threaten her by chopping her head off. She's been known to pull my dress up in public... like she did today, which was super embarrassing. We sing songs. We hold impromptu fashion shows. We dance in the kitchen. We play 'Operation' on Pumpkin. Make the little things the best memories for them. 

Exhibit A.

But basically my biggest parenting tip is to cut yourself some slack. I have a little voice in my brain that pretty much critiques every single thing I do, and cuts me down every time. I find it really hard to acknowledge my own successes. But the one thing I am always 100% proud of is my kid. When I look at her, I think I'm doing okay. We're all doing the best we can. 

Enjoy my expert parenting tips. Now you too can hang on by a thread and hope for the best. At least I'm hangin' on!